“How Do/Did you Handle Heartbreak?”
I have heard a lot of things from cry therapy to chocolate/ice-cream therapy to rebound relationship to overworking etc. It has had me wondering what really is more effective.
I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule to mending a broken heart or handling heartbreak, because different people respond to stress in different ways. But there certainly has to be some proven and trusted methods to dealing with a broken heart.
I will give a personal account of how I once handled a situation that could be similar to heartbreak. It was a long time ago and the situation at that time was just beyond unbearable, (although if I think about it these days, I just laugh at myself and call myself ‘childish’).
So the day it all happened, I can remember I locked myself in and cried my eyes out. I cried till my tear duct was literally empty. For days I didn’t come out. I just laid in bed, stared at the ceiling and cried.
When I was sure I was ready to see people, I began to move around, going the extra mile to ensure that I didn’t run into the guy or lady he said he liked (she was also my friend) and avoiding everything that reminded me of the both of them. Luckily for me that was the same period we moved away from Lagos, so the distance for a couple of months helped me put things into perspective.
I stayed out of Lagos for close to four months and during those times, I prayed a lot, did a lot of thinking and analysis of what had happened and how I could move on with my life. Then, I consciously lectured myself almost everyday on the downsides of bitterness and holding a grudge. Last but not the least, I started up a business and worked really hard. The business made it difficult for me to think about him or feel depressed about how things had gone.
But it wasn’t easy at all. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I was always cranky, very close to tears, angry, jealous, full of spite… I prayed constantly and cried when I needed to, but when it was time for me to return back to school, which was in Lagos, I was very prepared to face the both of them. I had finally lost the rage and spite and somehow moved on with my life.
That was how I was able to mend my broken heart!
“Must every sour relationship end with separation and a broken heart?”
In answer to this, my answer is NO. I can remember my mom talking about this. She said and I paraphrase: “Love will always fade in a relationship. It is your duty and the duty of your partner to revive it and keep it going. It is only when you cannot revive the love then you both can go your separate ways.”
What she meant was that separation shouldn’t be the first line of action when dealing with someone who genuinely loves you and you love. Separate only if it is really mandatory – like he/she not being the right person for you, showing violent tendency, generally dishonest in words and actions – then separation is justified.
I will end also by quoting one of my mom’s favorite: “If the relationship is worth saving, it is worth going the extra mile no matter what.”
pic credit: alkaline photography