I love my family. I love that we are a large bunch, scattered everywhere all over the earth; the definition of fill the earth and subdue it. I love our upbringing and I am grateful for all the love that was cemented into our heads and hearts while growing up. Most especially, I love our need for closeness every time. It drives me nuts sometimes, but i love that nobody is left alone to him/herself. There is always somebody calling you to come home (every potential house is a home), somebody is always singing your last time of visit (I get that alot) and I hate and love it at the same time. It’s beautiful to belong to a family that’s closely knitted. It’s even more beautiful during Christmas.
l decided to spend last Sunday with my cousin and his family. I really rarely go home, rarely visit anyone. And that is not because I don’t want to, I just like the feeling of being scarce…I always tell myself that there is beauty in scarcity. Anyway, I was home at my cousin’s, in a very lovely and serene environment far cooler than the harsh life of Idiaraba and Mushin and again, I was taken aback at the amount of love in their home and how grown their kids had become and all the things I had been missing.
My cousin has two beautiful girls; a four year old and a two year old. Very polite, bright children, extremely adorable and verrryyy active. Playing with these two cuties felt like being in heaven. Stressful though, tasking, but I was enjoying all the jumping and singing and dancing and babbles.
I want something like this, when the time comes.
My mind kept saying, even till I left Monday afternoon, the thought wouldn’t go away.
Lovely children, a loving man – a family man, being a mommy who is there watchfully and carefully grooming my kids to be the Godly treasures they were destined to be. Living in a nice, peaceful part of Lagos, happy as a hummingbird….I wanted the life, all of it…
Yet I knew I wasn’t ready. The efforts put in by ‘mommy and daddy’ to build this kind of home didn’t elude me. It hung everywhere in the atmosphere of the house like one of those billboards that stood along Ojota road. Gosh, my cousin and wife were seriously bursting their asses to maintain their admirable family…but they were doing it together and I loved that. They weren’t perfect, they didn’t act perfect. Like most of the couples in my family and the ones I know of, they argued and had disagreements, but there was an underlying understanding and unity and love…
And once again I was reminded that nothing good happened by chance.
I noticed how everyone talked to everyone politely, including two years old baby. Really, the love in this home is palpable….I couldn’t quit measuring the amount of time and prayers my cousin’s wife must have put in to attain this.
Looking at his family, I was reminded why marriage is not on my to-do in 2017. I am going to be a great wife and a super awesome mommy (because I am super awesome myself) but I don’t have my full-proof super awesome family plan yet. Why? Because I am not ready!
From visiting my cousin, I came to understand that loving is a deliberate action. You don’t love once and forever. Nope, You love everyday! Consciously and consistently. You love when you feel like and when you don’t. You love when you purse is full and when it is empty and your love has to drive you to put them first.
Was I ready to love another individual and tiny little humans like this? Was I ready to sacrifice like this? The answer – I am getting there.
Another lesson learnt, raising a beautiful family is work. Beautiful work, but work nonetheless. There is nothing like a perfect home. There are slipups’, hard times, emergencies, trying times and no room for quitting. Raising a home takes 100% commitment. Raising a family is demanding and you must keep at it. I’m still learning to hang in there and not quit because something isn’t palatable and I was nowhere half of my learning process.
That brings me to my third and most important lesson, do not rush into love. Do not rush into anything! Go through the due process of praying and waiting on God. Then go through the process of falling in love with that person when he/she comes and let God take control. The last line is more for me too (Lool, I really wonder how I am going to be like when I am in love with somebody….talk for another day).
Point is, let God grow you, allow yourself to be fully moulded and shaped by God before jumping into anything.
By Monday afternoon when I returned to school, totally constipated, yet with a pot full of rice and a heart revitalized with love, I was ready to face life with a new mantra: Focus on improving yourself and building a brightly bright future!
I think we young people should do the same and let nature take its course.
What do you think?