REALLY, IS LOVE ENOUGH IN MARRIAGE?
Hmmmm, marriage is quite interesting. It is real and it is drama also (LOL), but a lot of people prepare for just the wedding day and not marriage itself. No, love is not enough to sustain a marriage. Maturity is important, wisdom is very very key and patience is also needed to keep a marriage going. This is because, love disappears with time and when love fades, what else is left if all the other above mentioned qualities are missing? Know your spouse well, master the tactics of giving the right response to situations and expect the unexpected in marriage…happens all the time.
I would take my home for example, my husband and I never really planned for his sister and her son to come stay with us, but she became ill and it was imperative she stayed somewhere in order to get proper care. Now, I could have been all “My husband and I didn’t discuss this so she can’t stay,” and maybe insist that she go somewhere else, but that wouldn’t be logical, would it? Secondly, that wouldn’t be wise also and that would be me pushing for a fight. Worst of all, it would have been an inconsiderate thing to do regardless of the fact it was unexpected.
My point is, a lot of time, unplanned situations pop up in marriages that requires immediate attention. For it to be achieved, you and your spouse must always be on the same page. And as a woman, you must have a good grip of the situation, understand your husband and his point of view and make wise on-the-spot decisions. Also be ready to make sacrifices, most young ladies these days are not ready to make sacrifices for their homes or their husband and that’s why there is an increased number of divorce in the world today.
Communication is very key in a relationship. Sometimes, my husband and I might not be on the same page on issues, e.g. project planning – my husband could be quite focused on that project and ignore other things around till the project is completed and I am not like that… In terms of idea generation and brainstorming, I could be quite emotional as a woman while he is very objective. That’s where wisdom comes into play, because we need to come to a common consensus and when we do, agree on it and stick with it. Really, you can’t rule out wisdom in a marriage….they are inseparable!
A classic example, the chairs in our living room used to show dirt easily and I didn’t like it because I felt it was embarrassing. My husband didn’t share my opinion; he said the chairs were fine like that and no one really noticed things like that and even if they did, that wasn’t our priority at the time (we were working on a project and all his attention was channeled towards it, LOL). Anyway, I was always really put off every time I saw the chairs and knowing that I wasn’t going to get a dime from my husband at that time for chairs, I went to market and bought materials that could serve as chair covers, that wouldn’t show dirt and got someone to do the job at a cheap rate bearing in mind, that we didn’t just come to Lagos to buy and cover chairs. All of these I did behind his back and when he saw the chairs, he was so pleased with the color and how I maneuvered everything saying at least the new color wouldn’t show dirt (LOL, imagine).
Be ready to be a forgiver! Forgive always because there is bound to be some hurting whether intentional or not. Before I got married, I told myself that regardless of his offense, I will forgive him…so I just form anger; you know shakara and all of that (LOL)…but really forgive at all times. No one is perfect and no marriage is perfect either and as humans, we are bound to hurt each other, so forgive always.
Never spread your dirty linen in public! As couples, both of you should not go around talking to every available persons about your problems. Rather get yourselves a good, trustworthy and God-fearing mentor that you both talk to and that mentor only comes in when you both cannot settle things. Do not also go around comparing yourselves with other people, love and accept your spouse as they are; especially the women. Lest I forget, try not to run your spouse down with your mouth, also very key. Understand that you’re from different backgrounds and don’t try to change your spouse.
Again, be willing to sacrifice for your partner. Women especially, be willing to sacrifice for your husband…a lot of women just want to strangle the poor man, demanding this and that all the time. Learn to sacrifice for your spouse and that includes both the man and the woman. Also, give yourselves breathing space. Watch moods, sometimes your partner might not really be in the talking mood or might just want to be left on…allow that person time to think and reflect.
Most importantly, pray. Pray a lot. For the women, the bible tells us that a wise woman builds her home. There is no perfect marriage or home or family. It is the woman’s job to maintain the home; a woman makes or mar the home. Therefore, be really prayerful!
I will end with this: wisdom, understanding and good communication with love keeps a marriage going, not just love alone, so marry someone you love and can live with.
Mrs. Tobe Odika works with West African Seasoning Company Limited. Senior Mgr. Corporate Communication/ Regulatory Dept.
Favorite food: eba and bitter soup.
Motto: Be a blessing.