Problems ladies find hard to cope with in a relationship:
Lack of attention: this is really painful to me.
Lack of communication: We don’t have to talk forever! Even if it’s just for a short period of time every day, that would be appreciated. There is a need for continuous communication.
Forgetting important things: eg if you forget my birthday (oh God!), the day I gave my life to Christ etc, I would be pissed. I do not like boys that forget things…
Stingy guys: I don’t like guys who are aka-gumish in nature – stingy with money, stingy with time, stingy with attention, even ATP! Just offer, it doesn’t have to be expensive; the funny thing is, I would most likely say no (me anyway). No lady likes a stingy guy.
A dirty guy: once a girl is not proud of her boo, she’s never going to show him off to the world and that is already a pointer for a relationship breakup.
Putting other things before you – i.e he would rather play or watch football than spend time with me, he listens to his friends more than he listens to me, even defends them more than he defends me, he is a puppet to his family members with every statement punctuated with ‘Mommy said or daddy said’ and does their every bidding….I would never marry you! in fact, I won’t go out on a second date with a guy with this attribute.
NFA – No future ambition. In my opinion, RUN!
Commitment phobia kind of guys: capital NO-NO! Because the relationship is never going anywhere!
Cheating: major challenge and it’s wrong on every ground. It causes bitterness in the girl.
Possessiveness: tiny jealousy is okay, even God is a jealous God. But an unhealthy streak of jealousy; ‘The Perfect Guy’ kind of jealousy that makes it impossible for her to be approached…no no, that shouldn’t be tolerated. It is important to talk to him about it at first, but if the problem still persists, pull back totally.
Workaholic: if he has space in his schedule and he is deliberately blowing me off by using work as an excuse, then there would be serious issues. But if he really doesn’t have time indeed and it can’t be helped, then I will be understanding and get myself a hobby.
Above all, guys who are unable to give compliments…that is just the height! If you can’t give compliments, the truth is, you don’t deserve the lady. I didn’t say she should be flattered or insulted simply because you want to talk, no. what I am saying is that you say something nice to her and be genuine about it, e.g “You look really nice, I love your hair.” And if you don’t like the way she looks, you gently tell her what it is you don’t like and not demand a change from her.
Act gentlemanly, it doesn’t cost anything. When you fart or belch, you say “Excuse me”. Open the door for her, say ‘thank you’ when she does something nice for you…etc. These are simple courtesy, a lot of guys take this for granted but to the lady folks, they actually matter.
N.B – To the ladies, (and even the guy) take out time to be observant. Be perspective enough to see things at the initial stage of friendship not five years down the road, when you’re neck deep into the relationship. It saves you alot of unnecessary heartache…(to be cont’d)
Amuta Jemima is a 500level medical student of the College of Medicine, University of Lagos. She is a lover of God and people, a member of the Toast masters gavel club, Medilag and a strong believer that ladies be treated properly.