WHAT IS FORGIVABLE AND WHAT IS NOT IN FRIENDSHIP?
Esosa: When your friend breaks your heart by forgetting your birthday….
Kene: Lool, that’s quite forgivable, if you ask me.
Desola: Lol. E don happen to me too wella…you have no choice but to forgive, after they apologize, giving you poorly planned excuses that obviously holds no water. You just forgive them.
Esosa: Yeah I forgave, but it took a while before I became friends with that person again.
Kene: Very annoying, Esosa, I do agree with you. It will also take time for me to remain friends with that a person.
Desola: For me, it’s when my friends hide something from me or does not tell me important stuff relating to them and I get to hear it elsewhere or I find out in a way in which they still weren’t the ones telling me; and when they eventually tell me, it shouldn’t because they were caught in a corner. That really puts me off.
Esosa: Not everyone likes people knowing things about them, e.g me.
Desola: I feel that if we really are friends, why can’t the person tell me?
Esosa: I don’t tell things easily. I am a very secretive person…
Desola: I am talking about close friends. I mean my close friend, not just a random friend or classmate or an acquaintance, someone I am close to.
Esosa: Me being close to you doesn’t prompt me into asking or giving personal information, so….
Desola: Why shouldn’t you tell me personal things if we are close? I will take as you not trusting me enough to keep your secret or give good advice. Trust is a big issue for me. All my close friends should be able to tell me sensitive things; if they don’t want to tell me, who else will they tell? Why are we close?
Esosa: Again, I can trust you but I am not just the type that gives out information easily and there are people like that out there too. I only talk when I want to, not when I am asked.
Desola: Nope, I don’t agree with that. If you trust me enough, you should be able to let me in…that’s a level of friendship.
Esosa: I can trust a friend well enough to confide in him/her, but I am this kind of person that doesn’t say everything.
Desola: okay…I hear you.
Esosa: But I will admit, the instance Desola cited will hurt me.
Desola: I’m still strongly of the opinion that you don’t have to tell me everything, but tell me the important things, the things important to you. I want to hear things from you first before I hear it from the world.
Esosa: Does that include telling you from the very beginning of whatever it is, i.e from planning to actualization?
Desola: The better! That’s why we are friends.
Esosa: Hmmm. I feel that even if we are friends with the person, we should respect their decisions.
Kene: I agree with Desola, a close friend should let you in on the things important to him/her. You don’t have to tell me immediately, but sometime before it becomes a public issue, let me know. I also take things like this very personal.
Esosa: Sorry, but no. People have experiences, respect people’s decisions.
Desola: Then why are we friends? If we’ve always confided with each other in the past and then suddenly I find out that he/she’s been doing some things without my prior knowledge, I will be pained. I will interpret it as that person keeping secrets or me being too unimportant to know stuffs about that person. That will make me draw away, I mean, what’s the point if we can’t share personal info with each other?
Desola: Things like that really gets to me in a friendship and this is one thing I take personal and read meaning to; a lot of meaning if I must add.
Esosa: If a friend does something like that, don’t just conclude with that friend. You don’t know what happened. People go through different things they would rather not want to talk about with anyone regardless of how close. Desola and Kene, in such situations, you give the person time. Pray for him/her. Don’t just conclude on the matter and then make an irrational decision. Pray for that person.
Desola: Hmmmm, sure.
Esosa: Another thing, understand and know the kind of person your friend is so you don’t go around offended for no reason. Understanding is very key in friendship. I don’t ask, so I’m not being asked. That’s how I operate. So for me, what I look out for in a friendship: understanding, respect and love.
Desola: I will add trust to my own list. It gives me great joy to know my friends. I am always happy when I can say all about them, even things they don’t remember telling me. I want the kind of friendship that outsiders will see and know yes, those two are close; not just that walk together. Even when we don’t agree, within us, we love each other and respect each other’s opinion and person in general. This is how I know friendship.
Esosa: Desola thank you. Love the person with their flaws; very key.
Desola: P.s, this issue is forgiveable…but with God though.
Kene: Thanks ladies, I’m really glad we had this discussion. I’ve learnt from you guys. God bless.