WHAT IS FORGIVEABLE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT IS NOT?
IN THE FAMILY (CONTD)
Kene – So Desola you cited an example of a person who is quite close to his/her mother, then the mother becomes pregnant and in the process of childbirth, dies while the baby survives and you talked about how difficult it will be to forgive the baby… Throw more light on this and as a Christian, how does one eventually forgive?
Desola – If it was my mom, I’m not sure how I would act towards the child because I love my mom…then the child came and took her away. It would have been easier to forgive if the child did something to me personally, but no….the child took away my mother…..
Kene – But it wasn’t the child’s fault. So you will agree that there is nothing to really forgive.
Desola – No, there is something to forgive. We are talking of my mother, who I love so very much, who the child stole, that’s a big deal for me. Yes, the child isn’t really at fault but it will take time for me to let go of the fact that it was in the process of giving birth to said child that I lost my mom.
Kene – But as a Christian, Desola?
Desola – I would pray about it and see the baby as a ‘new soul’. Then try get past the hurt of losing my mom. Also, my mother would want me to love the child, so I just have to eventually. That’s all I can say.
Kene – Alright, thanks Desola. Another scenario: A man and his wife were returning from a party and the man kills his wife while driving because he was drunk. Esosa, how would you suggest the children forgive as Christians?
Esosa – I don’t have a logical answer to your question. Firstly, why would the wife allow her drunk husband drive?
Desola – Babe, it’s not that easy o! It is possible the woman spoke against it, but the man disagreed saying he was okay and that he wasn’t drunk. And in that kind of situation, if the woman tries to push, a fight will ensue.
Esosa – Regardless, no sane woman will allow her husband drive drunk; seriously!
Desola – Okay, let’s say the man wasn’t drunk; just tipsy?
Esosa – In my opinion…na wa o, that family will just become dysfunctional. I mean, the man himself will be traumatized, the children will be so angry, let’s not talk about extended family members. The children should remember that the man is still their father, but it will take the grace of God for those children to forgive their father and the father to forgive himself.
Kene – Hmmmmm
Esosa – Yeah. Without God it would be so difficult to forgive that kind of offense. Forgiveness isn’t instant, it takes time. With time, the children will learn to forgive.
Desola – Yeah, I agree with Esosa.
Esosa – Even after forgiveness, forgetting isn’t going to be easy…the bible tells us to forgive and forget
Desola – If I was a child in that family, I don’t think I’ll care if the man wallowed in guilt. But after a while, of course things will settle. But without God, the forgiveness will definitely take time.
Kene – Even with God, the forgiveness will take time. Like Sosa said, you can ‘mouth’ forgive, but you might not ‘heart and mind’ forgive…
Esosa – The pain wasn’t just a physical pain, it’s wrapped around emotions. God has to intervene in that family.
Desola – Lool, with God, all things are…
Esosa – This is worse than heartbreak, those children will need lots of prayers and counselling. There will be blames and fights…they will need people who can lead them rightly, according to God’s word and remind them that the bible tells us to owe no man nothing but love; because it is only God that can give them the grace and a heart to love. And after forgiving their father, they will need to help their father forgive himself.
Desola – This incident can even prevent them from seeking God and losing faith in the word of God. Ministering to them can breed rebellion, because they would have questions to ask God.
Esosa – That’s why I said they will need prayers.
Desola – I do believe that it might take more of personal understanding and God’s own Spirit doing the comforting to heal.
Esosa – Even if they’re Christians, it takes someone well-grounded in the faith to forgive. That’s why prayers are needed, even for those who will be counselling the family. To forgive is divine.
Kene – Hmmm, deep. What a productive discussion, ladies. Thanks for your time. God bless.
Desola & Esosa – Amen. You’re welcome.
Kene – Join us next week as we talk about what is forgivable and what isn’t in a friend and in a relationship. Thanks for your time, God bless.