WHAT IS FORGIVEABLE AND WHAT IS NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
- In the family
Desola: One big disadvantage that gets me so angry at times, is the fact that I can’t hold a grudge. I hardly take offense with anyone because I hardly remember I was offended in the first place. But one incidence I can’t forget, because it took me time to get over, was a territory I considered private which my mother trespassed; although unknowingly. Still I rate it as unforgiveable, unpardonable and inexcusable on any ground. Yes, it was a guy situation. So, there was this guy (for the sake of privacy, I will call him Emmanuel) and we were friends. My mother knew him quite well because we all lived in the same neighborhood and attended the same church, so relatively I was safe. But on this particular occasion, we weren’t in talking terms and there wasn’t any real reason behind it, just that there was always those periods when we both take breaks from our friendship to live our lives separately.
N.b – we weren’t dating, we were just friends.
So, my mother noticed that we weren’t talking and for some weird reason I still can’t fathom or believe, she decided to take it upon herself to solve the issue. And so one day she accidentally ran into Emmanuel on the street while driving to an event and she parked, called him and began to interrogate him about what was going on/not going on between the two of us and why we weren’t talking. She must have sermonized, I have no doubt about that and I wouldn’t have found out if the guy hadn’t called to ask me what I told my mother. I almost hung the phone on him because it didn’t make sense to me and I couldn’t believe my mom capable of such. She didn’t tell me anything, I didn’t even know she knew something and then somebody was calling out of the blues to tell me that my mother interrogated him about what was going on between us. I chose not to believe him till I confirmed things for myself and you can imagine my surprise when she confirmed my fears…I was beyond mad and pained because the guy in question felt like (or I think he felt) he was so important and I was missing him and couldn’t just be bold enough to call a truce when in actual sense, I was nonchalant and unperturbed. I was so embarrassed; trust me if it was a friend that did that, that has to be the end of our relationship. If not for God though…just God and God alone….chai, so painful!
Kene – LOL, Desola, I feel your pain. So Esosa, your turn.
Esosa – Okay, for me, I find unnecessary duty allocation coupled with nonsense errand sending unforgivable and my grandma was a pro in this aspect. There was always this repeated incidence of having to do all the house chores or attend to everybody when the other cousins, who are my junior if I must add, sit around doing nothing. There was this one time when my grandma blamed me for allowing a pot of soup get spoilt when it was the duty of my cousin to warm the soup. I was so angry, I just began to talk back at her and we started to argue. In fact, a whole lot of times, I took the blame for stuffs that weren’t even in my list of to-do where house chores were concerned but after that day, I made it pretty clear to everyone that I was tired of swallowing their thrash or cleaning up their mess. I felt quite justified that I had made my point, it never occurred to me that I was wrong in insulting my grandma until my friend pointed it out. Prior to that, I was ready to keep malice with my granny for the rest of eternity for being so partial. But she apologized sha, so we are cool.
Desola – One other unforgivable sin from a family member, is shouting at somebody in public especially when you are well-known or trying to build your rep amongst the people present; or so very irritating. My father did that to me recently and one of the things that greatly pissed me off about the whole incidence was that most of these people were just meeting me for the first time and they had heard I was in medical school and quite a good number were eligible bachelors and my father chose that time to expose my dirty linen; not that I was even wrong in the first place. Why do parents even do things like that sef?
Kene – Good question, we would know the answer when we become parents, not that I am taking sides though…
Esosa – What about that annoying aunty who feels she has the right to talk to you anyhow simply because she is your mother’s sister. It took me time before I could forgive this aunt of mine; I’m not even entirely sure if I have indeed forgiven. She made my growing-up days quite traumatic with all the abuse and swear words she used on me. I totally hated her (that was before) and well seeing her just made my blood boil. I even stopped going to church at a point because of this ish (issue) with my aunt and not until I grew up, left the house, did I start learning how to handle my aunt. But trust me, I held a long time grudge against my aunt and it was just tiring.
Kene – Hmmmmmm, anything else?
Desola & Esosa– We can’t exhaust everything today na, let’s have part 2
Kene – I agree. So we would continue this family series soon, please stay tuned.