So, unlike the other stories on this blog, my story is not exactly big with nothing particularly interesting about it, but it’s a story worth sharing all the same.
Like every room in a university hostel, there is always that room mate that you can’t really get along with, that particular person that you two just clash no matter how hard you try to avoid it; that person whose behaviour you can’t seem to understand or tolerate. So, on this particular morning, when I had had enough of her nonsensical, irrational behaviour and I felt things needed to be placed in order, I spoke up, admittedly quite harshly and we had a head-to-head where I said my mind and she said hers and said more. I was so pleased with myself for speaking up for my right and standing my ground on the things I wanted changed. But she kept on and on and on and on that at some point, my jubilant feeling began to wear off and in its place came wariness. She started saying all sort of things, like the usual ‘you call yourself a Christian…’, binding out the demons sent to torment her even in school, talk of all the things she can do to me if she takes up my matter spiritually…as I watched and listened to her talk, I couldn’t help but be intrigued;
“This was Nollywood unfolding itself right in front of me,” I giggled to myself, enjoying the show.
But after I stepped out, to attend a meeting, one question popped into my head: What will Jesus had done in this situation? And all of a sudden, I was filled with guilt, shame and remorse…and fear. I felt so bad that I had even enjoyed the fight. Thoughts of where she can take my name and all the things she can use my name to do, if she wanted to, began to fill my mind and I started feeling very numb with terror.
“Bimpe, what exactly have I gotten myself into?” I kept muttering to myself.
For the whole of that day, I just kept telling God how sorry I was like a tape on repeat. A car nearly ran into me and to me, that was a sign that God was still correcting me. I forgot to pick up a package for someone and had to walk back to the pick-up point twenty minutes away, under the hot scorching afternoon, to get it back and all I could think of at that moment was it had to be part of God’s way of slapping my senses back into my head. A lecturer kicked me out of his class that afternoon for sleeping and oh, I was beside myself, praying fervently that the Lord will show me mercy. Finally, my bad day ended up in prayer meeting. Firstly, I felt like the big black sheep amongst the Lord’s spotless white flock and this made me stand at a distance away from the others, so no one would get contaminated on my account. Then, I just couldn’t relate with the fact that God had forgiven me and therefore spent the better part of the prayer meeting praying for forgiveness.
In summary, it took just a word from God read out by pastor while he was calling the next prayer point for me to realize what exactly the devil was trying to do. He was trying to rob me off my peace of mind and hinder me from moving on by creating the illusion that God has not forgiven me. Fine, I had quarrelled and fought, but I had also realized at the end that I was wrong and for the fact that I had gone back to Jesus for mercy, I was not condemned. God had already forgiven me and in the eyes of God I was made righteous. So therefore, my feeling of guilt and condemnation were just simply baseless because the word of God said: ‘If I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.’ (1john 1:9).
The next step left however, was to apologize. Not because she was right am I apologizing, no, but because if Jesus had been in that situation, he would have handled things much more differently and still pass across the message he intended to pass. Also, I also learnt from the whole experience that the irritation and anger was mutual. She had been annoying me with her actions, I had been annoying her with mine and truth is, there were some things I could have conceded to without a confrontation. Meaning, I wasn’t entirely free of blame in the whole issue to start with.
So, it’s my prayer that God will help me do the right thing, not necessarily to make a friend (if that happens, that would be awesome) but because we are supposed to, as Christians, follow peace with all men.
Thanks for your time.
Photographer: Alkaline photography. follow on IG @Alkaline
Model: IG – @Mztemiz. Email – email@example.com
Please do not forget these are true life stories written in form of fiction. Every character; name and place, in every story is fictitious in order to protect the privacy of the sharer and keep that person’s identity anonymous. Kindly also remember to pray for as many drowning in their guilt, that the mercy of God will penetrate through the fog created by guilt and they will come to embrace God’s undying love.
Thanks and God bless.
N.B – you can send in your guilt story to firstname.lastname@example.org for it to bless lives also. Kindly read up last week’s story titled GUILTY here